so why do you live?

well it is certainly not fully for other people. for some maybe but not for people. 

truth. it is something that someone cannot fully grasp. so if someone tells you, "they know the truth", well ask for yourself. there are somethings that you can entertain but doesn't necessarily that you extract and believe in it. some are worth but not all.

it is safe to say that even you. 

yes. you.

don't know yourself, fully. even your capabilities. there is no one that can measure and truly hold it. there are large spaces for improvement. there is no such thing as limitations. everything is possible, maybe not now but tomorrow.

don't give a damn for someone that tells you not to do things. no one knows better of yourself than you do. you don't do things for someone, fully; but you do it because you want it for yourself. you asked for it. 

don't do things for others, so that you can blame them if it back fires. for if that time comes. you failed yourself, twice.

freedom, it is given to us for a reason. you are free to do what you want, what you need, for someone or for yourself. but freedom is not not perfect as it is said. 

complications will come. everything is not perfect for life is as it is. don't get me wrong, but life is for you to shine in doing good, doing what you want, and doing for others; all at the same time. 

parents, family, friends, they give you restrictions, yes restrictions I say. but think of it as a choice for like knowledge; entertain but doesn't necessarily that you extract and believe in it

life is unmeasurable of words. well it is. 

and soon you'll find it's complications and you're the only one who can understand it's complications, do something about it, and function well with it.

life is like everything that you see.

for someone, somewhere, he/she has a different perspective about it.

so why do you live?

spirit of thy christmas part 2

kanina. nagsimba kami para sa misa de gallo. i was not up to it actually. because the whole day, i was agitated... it wasn't such a pleasure to be mad at everything. 

sakto lang yung dating namin. so it is christmas, yan ang theme ng halos lahat ng simbahan ngayon. it was a so so mass, until the homily

remember the last blog, if you had read. yung matanda sa labas ng church. it was interviewed by father nolan, yung preciding priest na nag celebrate ng mass. 

dolor ang pangalan niya. ang ibig sabihin daw nun eh pain. so it is written everywhere. noong ininterview siya ni fr. ang expected daw na sasabihin ni aling dolor. 

puro reklamo. kung gaano kahirap ang buhay, na sa tanda niyang noong eh nakakapagod. 

but everything back fired. XD. and sinabi daw ni aling dolor.

maraming mababait na tao sa mundo. 

oh crap! 

na hindi daw siya humihingi pero may mga nagbibigay at ipinagpapasalamat niya yun. hindi ako sigurado sa lahat. pero nalaman ko na pasko na nga. na wala yung mga material things. hindi importante yung noche buena. it's not what others ask for you but it is what you ask for yourself. sometimes. akala mo malalim ka na. marami kang alam pero in the end wala kang alam. really. hindi ganun kadaling aminin. sometimes, kung sinu pa yung hindi mo aakalain na malungkot ang pasko, sila pa pala yung kumpleto. 

masakit ngayon yung mata ko at nagluluha. nasundot ng hanger kanina. 

bakit ko ibinlog to?

i just want to share kung ano yung nakita ko. naranasan ko sa pasko. na makita sana ng ibang tao yung pasko sa mata ko.

si aling dolor. wala sa harap ng simbahan. siguro tulog. siguro kumakain. 

salamat sa kanya.

sobrang kulang nung tinapay na naibigay ko para sa binigay niya sa akin

merry christmas to you and your family.

spirit of thy christmas

puto bungbong, bibingka, malamig na simoy ng hangin, christmas rush in finding good gifts, simbang gabi, christmas party and still many more. 

these are the things that complete the spirit of christmas, but still, many are lacking something. maybe the warmth that comes enclosed with the spirit of christmas itself. 

so last december 18, 2009. naganap yung infused bday nila arwin and lex and also, parang yung christmas party namin. kami kami lang. tawanan, may nadagdag, may mga hindi sumipot, may nagaway pa ata at may halong tampururut. the whole week itself, masaya kasi 2 christmas party eh. yung isa nung 12-05-09 pero kasama nung mga classmates ko sa design. no photos of it. maybe some. pero hindi ko pa din nakikita. anyweys, balik tayo noong 18. ok yung inuman sa  juicemio ata ung pangalan nung restobar. ata. sulit. libre eh. inum, tawa, kwento, kain, soundtrip gamit ang i-touch ni tin and so on. nakadalawang bote lang ako ng san mig light. hindi naman kasi ako umiinom eh, and also i don't want to challenge myself to take it to the point na hindi ko alam kung ano ginagawa ko. 2 bottles = dizzy, kasabay ng pagkahilo ko yung fireworks sa moa... 

medyo maaga ako umuwi. kailangan eh. kahit na gusto kong tumambay. may kasabay ako pauwi, kabado siya kasi race against time eh. tepok siya pag dating sa bahay. well, nahabol naman ata yung time and safe siya nakauwi. 9:15 to be exact... nakarating kami sa balwarte namin. siya umuwi na, ako dilemma pa din kung mag aanticipated simbang gabi.

magsisimba, uurong. nagtext na ako kay mama na mag aanticipated mass ako. so tumuloy na ako. 

on the way inside the church, sa may gate nito. meron akong nakitang matanda. nakaupo sa side walk, may mga sakong dala. payat madungis. 

diretso lang ako sa loob ng church. wala pang mass... cguro 9:30 pm yung mass... naghintay ako, pero hindi ako mapakali. parang binubulate yung pwet ko. then

sigh.

tumayo ako sa upuan. made the sign of the cross and genuflected. lumabas ako... at tumingin sa matanda. naghanap ako ng tindahan.

unang tindahan, sarado. 

lakad lakad. 

pangalawa... pabili nga po.... may tinapay po ba kayo?... 

wala eh, biscuit lang.

pangatlo... may tinapay po ba kayo?... 

wala eh

pangapat... malayo na ako sa simbahan... 

naispatan ko ung tinapay sa magsasara ng tindahan.

magkano po sa ______

ito? _____ lang. 

alam mo na ung ginawa ko.

umalis ako sa tindahan. bumalik sa simbahan, pero hindi sa loob. dun lang ako sa may labas. sa may gate...

'nay kumain na po ba kayo?

iling.

may kasama po ba kayo?

dyan lang kami sa may ______

ahhh...

binigay ko na... hindi ko na pinatagal yung suspense.

nay kainin niyo po yan malamig po ngayon.

tango

umalis na ako. pauwi.

nakatalikod na ako ng sambitin ni lola ang merry christmas. ako naman ngayon ang tumango. 

alam kong may kasama siya. pero hindi ako sigurado kung sinu. medyo malapit lang sila pero malayo din. matanda na siya, malamig ang gabi. hindi ko alam yung ginawa ko. medyo nahihiya pa nga ako kasi medyo marami yung tao na dumadaan eh. hindi ako sanay na pinagsisigawan yung ginawa ko. pero bakit ko binlog? hindi ko din alam. para siguro may maiba lang.

akala ko nasa loob ng simbahan makikita yung hinahanap ko.

asa labas pala. 

maraming dumadaan na parang wala lang. hindi ko naman alam kung ano yung tumatakbo sa mga isip nila. kung magbibigay din o hindi. hindi din ako sigurado sa pakiramdam ko. mabigat kasi na magaan eh. 

pero pagkatapos nun. alam ko sa sarili ko na may naiba. kahit papaano.

naramdaman ko yung medyo pasko na feeling. kulang man. pero atleast mabuting umpisa siguro yun.

the spirit of christmas isn't inside the church.. something much better is outside it... dig deep