levanter just blew hardly at my face

balik na ako...

well i've got to things inside my pocket.

impatience & a future that's not too good & has a risk of breaking and falling apart..

kung dati eh medyo matino at may konting clarity ang aking focus, ngayon wala na talaga. i think i am failing my subjects, wala na akong natututunan, i think of many things that i really don't know... nakakainis, i think i'm sealed in some space, and i don't know how to get out of it, or... i don't really know... dati kahit konting linaw meron ako, pero ngayon, wala na talaga ata, medyo tinatamad na nga akong mag aral pero i'm fighting, i'm living almost in the sense of only living it. marami ng mga bagay na talagang hinihintay ko o talagang kailangan ko, kaso hindi dumadating, hindi ko alam kung ng aasar lng o ano eh... hindi ko alam kung kakampi ko ba ang mundo o kalaban ko... literally.  ang hirap, dahil gusto kong magawa pero hindi ko magawa, may certain things na talagang kontra sa akin. im being impatient dahil sa mga bagay na iyon. i need strength, but strength won't go near me, ayaw pati inspiration, wala talaga. the whole world conspires to help you towards your personal legend... now i've got doubt about it. i dunno.. maybe i need a break, kahit ilang araw, as in break, pumunta sa ibang lugar o kung ano man. now at times, im crying for something i don't know. napapaisip nga ako kung ang ibang tao kapag nahihirapan eh ganito ka lala. ang naghihirap walang pera, pwedeng umutang kapag gipit pero sa lagay ko, hindi pwedeng umutang, dahil for simple things na hindi mo alam kung ano ang uutangin mo. things are against me, that's what i feel, in every aspect, every point where i turn. katulad na lang ni inay, all that i hear from her kahit na noong dati pa eh puro sermon, puro problema, lahat ng masasama, sa akin binabato. all efforts, walang effect, basta hindi maganda para sa kanya, REJECTED! i wish for acceptance, hindi naman dumating sa kanya kahit minsan, well, baka dumating ng ilang times, pero madaling natabunan lang ng kanyang halos araw araw na galit. ONLY I WISHED FOR IS A LITTLE ACCEPTANCE, AND NOW, THE LITTLE SELF ACCEPTANCE THAT I HARDLY EARN FROM EVERY BODY WAS LOST... im starting to hate everything. hindi na ako makapagjokes katulad ng dati. sobrang bigat ng feeling ko, and it's still geting heavier everyday that passes by. no improvements what so ever... gusto ko din sanang magkaroon ng kausap, kaso as usual wala parin. now time ticks and nothing is being done... starting to hate this cycle, starting to lose focus, starting to hate everyone. it all started on the time that i don't know... im seriously breaking down...

nawawalan na ako ng gana sa paggawa ng kahit ano... sa lahat.

everyday i cry, i think nobody notices it. pasimple lng pero effective... wala talaga akng makausap ngayon, na makakarelate ako sa kanya at siya sa akin

to sum it all up, im now living in a life that is full of suffering and sadly nobody is interested in helping me. IM LOOSING WHAT I WORKED FOR AND LOOSING SOME MORE FOR THINGS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE...

i hate this all...